The Real Beggining

Chapter One




I was flipping through a magazine behind the counter, waiting. Today had been slow, giving me a chance to read the newest and latest news about Jessica Simpson’s screwed up love life and how Robert Pattinson is “Just like us!” Most definitely, we both have expensive cars, million dollar houses, and a British accent. Practically twins (excuse my sarcasm, but I get so fed up with these lying paparazzi-people swearing that stars are “normal.”)
The door’s bell tinkled as someone entered the coffee house. I retied my apron tighter and approached the counter. The guy who just entered looked about 26, wore a puffy vest, and had retro-ish glasses. Not the weirdest I’ve seen here in New York.
“What can I get you?” I asked, not even bothering to slap on a fake smile, or push a little enthusiasm in my voice. He didn’t seem to mind, but instead looked up at the menu above my head, “One chino latte.”
I made the latte and handed it to him as he paid me. Sticking it in the cash register, I say without looking at him, “Have a great day.” Once he turned and left, I ran my hand through my red hair, and huffed out a sigh. I watch the door waiting for some sort of way to entertain myself before I left for home. Joanie said he would be here soon, so I could get out of here.
I looked around at the variety of people around me, and studied each of them. One guy had a laptop and looked like he hadn’t shaved for weeks. A young couple was in the corner snuggling close, but luckily, weren’t making out yet. And on his cell, a business man was talking rather loudly, going on and on how so-and-so needed to finish that project, today, or else.
Much to my relief, I saw a wavy blonde haired girl pass the window and enter the shop. She looked around at her surroundings before she stopped in front of me, smiling, “Hey Roxy.”
I lifted one side of my mouth, which you could describe as either my “smile” or more likely, my smirk.
“Hey Kelly, how’ve you been today?”
With that, Kelly was set off. She let out an “Oh-my-gosh!” and began rambling on about this and that, and I continued to smirk as I watched my friend over exaggerate about her day. I watch as her really blonde (almost bleach) and wavy hair bounces with her enthusiastic gestures. Her eyes were deep blue, yet they were light, and showed innocence. Kelly was really funny and has a great personality, but at times could be considered a little ditzy.
As she ended on her boring day, Kelly asked, “So my day pretty much sucked, how was yours?”
I continued smirking, and shrugged, “Nothing special. Some weirdo, though, came in here and tried to preach to me. It was pretty entertaining.”
Kelly giggled, but asked “Do you remember what religion? If it was one of those Mormon guys, maybe I’d be interested. Some of those guys are pretty cute.”
“Naw,” I said, “I think he was Catholic, but I can’t remember.”
Kelly shrugged and asks, “Is Joanie here yet? Can you get off work?”
Shaking my head I begin to tell her, “Not yet-!” but as I said it, Joanie himself entered the café shop.
“Hey Rox,” he says to me, “Sorry I’m a little late, Missy and I were catching lunch and I-”
“It’s fine,” I cut him off, “Thanks for coming in.” I take off the apron and hang it up, trading it with my jacket. I walk around the counter, “See you tomorrow, Jones.”
He waves, “See ya.”
Kelly and I walk out to the door into the busy streets, the cold air blistering our cheeks.
“Whew!” Kelly gasps, “It’s really cold out.”
“Yeah,” I offered, “But I prefer it over the humidity-” I was suddenly cut off by a complete stranger. The girl said, “Oh-my-gosh! Oh- I’m sorry! I could have totally sworn you were Hayley Williams! Wow, gosh! I’m so sorry!” And the girl walked off embarrassedly.
Shrugging it off, I think about what she just said. Hayley Williams. I guess we do share some characteristics. Like we both have red hair, though mine hasn’t been dyed as many times. Both aren’t especially tall, but I’m not short either, I’m almost a head taller than Kelly. I don’t know Hayley’s eye color, but mine are green, and we both have reasonably deep voices. Those are things I suppose can be compared, but whatever.
Giggling, Kelly says, “That was weird. Remember that guy who practically screamed at you? He was all “Hayley Williams! OMG! I can’t believe it! AAH!””
I shake my head at the memory, “I think that guy must have been high or something, No normal guy would have screamed in excitement like that.”
“Griffin had a good kick out of that,” Kelly snickered, “But he looked like he was gonna kill that guy for yelling at you!”
At the mention of his name, my amusement and humor left. My stomach clenched, and my heart felt a pinch. Kelly was obviously oblivious to my uneasiness of the subject, because she asked, “How is Griffin? I don’t see you and him together much.”
Through clenched teeth, I managed, “I… broke up with him.”
Kelly’s face looked astonished, “What? Why?”
“He… he wanted too much from me,” I say continuing to stare at the ground.
“Wait you mean he was too, like, clingy, or like… like what?”
“Kelly. He wanted more from me. He took me to his place and told me what he wanted.”
“Wait. I’m confused; you go to his place all the time, big whoop?”
“Kelly!” I scoff at her innocence, “He wanted more than kissing. He was starting to scare me, so I told him, technically, it’s over.”
When she fell silent, I knew she got it. It was awkward for a few more seconds, so I suggested, “How about we go to your place, and watch a movie?” She nodded, still shocked and quiet. I raise my hand for a cab.

♪~♪

The movie was over, it was late, and neither of us could keep our eyes open much longer. In fact Kelly’s head was flopped on her shoulder, when I shoved her, “Hey, I’m gonna go, I’ve got work again tomorrow. See you tomorrow, ‘kay?”
She managed to mumble and, “Alright,” and tried to give an exceptional bye, as I left her apartment. I walk out of the little room and face the cold night, giving me a little jolt, making it a little easier to push myself home. I waited for the bus, even though I wasn’t very anxious to go home.
I don’t like going to my own house, I’d rather spend the night at Kelly’s every night, but that wouldn’t go along very well. There are two reasons I dislike my place. First, my dad. Secondly, my mom. And there’s no good food there, either. So there are three reasons, but I don’t count that one as very important. My parents are problems, because I know that when I get to the apartment, Mom won’t be home, but my dad will. My mom works, always has, and probably always will because my dad lost his, and has been “searching” for a new one for more than a year now. I know that when I get home, my dad will be there, whether or not he’s alone.
I climb onto the bus nimbly; not paying attention to the hobo huddled in the corner singing to himself silently. Yes, I said ‘whether or not he’s alone.’ My dad has a problem that I’ve found out about four years ago. It was when he was supposedly searching for a job, and was having private ‘interviews’ with many ‘people’ trying to get that job. If that was what he was doing, he was very dedicated to getting that job. Yes, my dad is having an affair. Why haven’t I told Mom? Because I think she already knows.
I hop off the bus, and walk the rest of the way to the apartments. I begin digging for my key, though it was a trick to do in this weather. I unlock the door and enter the small building, inhaling the stale smell of it. It wasn’t a very attractive room, it’s walls were peeling, the carpet was caked with who-knows-what, and it had an odd odor about it. I walk down the hall into my room and shut the door quietly. I didn’t bother changing, but instead just flopped on my bed, and closed my eyes, wishing I would automatically go to sleep. That never happens with me, though. My mind wanders too much, not allowing me to sleep ever. So my mind began to wander. It wandered to work, and how I wish I didn’t have it the next day. It wandered to Kelly, the movie that we just watched, and then our conversation from earlier that day…
Then it wandered to Griffin. Griffin. He and I have been together for a few months now. We had been together before that, but we weren’t considered a ‘thing’ because we weren’t “officially” dating yet. Griffin had dark, brown hair that went a little farther than his ear, and even darker eyes. The group I hang out with could be considered “rowdy.” We’re not severely so, we never did drugs, and I’ve never drank, but I have had my fair share of cuss words. He and I were “the couple” in our group, and it hurt bad when I broke up with him. When I first left, I almost turned around and apologized, except… I wasn’t ready to do that. To just, I guess, give myself up to that, be the girl who’s dirty, the one you can…
Anyways, I’m rowdy, but not over the top, which is fine by me. This brought my thoughts to someone else. My sister. The goody-good, sister. She’s my only other sibling, and I was constantly being compared to her. It was forever, “Why can’t you be more like Kalynn?” or perhaps, “Why couldn’t you act more responsible like your sister?” and also, “Why couldn’t you keep your grades up like your sister?” To which I want to reply, “I’m not the one who went out, got drunk, and got myself killed, am I?”
I know that wouldn’t go down well with my mom. So, instead I just cry out in frustration every time the topic comes up, and hope I don’t explode. Finally I could feel my eyes close, allowing sleep to overcome my consciousness. And soon, I was sleeping fitfully.

♪~♪

My alarm woke me, and the sun peeking through my blinds made it impossible to open my eyes. I put my hand up to shade my face, and sit up in bed. My leg was throbbing at having worn my skinny jeans to bed. I pull out some pajama pants and pull them on, but not before I saw angry red lines from the folds of my jeans glare at me. Letting out an annoyed, “Bah!” I headed down to the kitchen to scavenge for food. My feet and legs were regaining their feeling, and I was opening cupboards, drawers and fridges when I heard scuffling of feet coming down the hall. A yawn and scratching of his stomach, my dad was in the room with me in a white T-shirt and sweat pants.
I stared at him like a deer in the headlights. I don’t enjoy being with my parents, especially one-on-one like this. The relationship with my parents died with my innocence at age thirteen. Now we each do our own thing, and keep out of each others way, I have my job, my mom has hers, and my dad sleeps in. I had no idea what he was doing up anyways, it was too unlike him.
He seemed to be thinking the same exact thing when he saw me. His hand froze where he was scratching his stomach, and he stared at me confusedly. We continued our eye-contact fest for about three more seconds, when he asked, “… What… What time is it?”
I swallow, pushing away the lump in my throat, “Uh, it’s about eight.”
More awkward silence followed. The clocks ticking seemed louder, like in those movies where everything seems to be really noisy or slow. Tick, tick, tick, tick… It mocked, so I turned away and busied myself with trying to find some food. Dad cleared his throat, and walked to lean on the counter. I herd him sigh and felt his stare on my back. I stand stiffly, and ask, “… So, what are you doing up all ready? Don’t you sleep in and stuff?”
I turned to look at him, and he had a type of scowl on his face. He seemed to take offense to my indicating he was incapable of getting a job. He growled, “I thought I should get up and walk around a bit. What about you, don’t you have a job or something you need to be at?”
“Yeah,” I bite the inside of my lip, annoyed.
“So?” He prodded, “Why aren’t you? Don’t you wanna keep it?”
I could finally taste the blood, so I stopped chewing on my lip, and snap, “Well, I don’t begin my shift until ten… and at least I can get and keep a job.”
He folded his arms across his chest, and glared. Raising an angry eyebrow, he grits his teeth, “Hm, is that right? Well, maybe you could find and live in your own place, huh?”
I stare at him, undaunted, my chin fixed, clenched, “I could, if I wanted. Maybe I will. Maybe I don’t need this, or this crap, or you cheating on Mom, huh? Maybe I need to get out of here before I start turning into someone like you, you…” I said something that I regret, but I didn’t care, and I stormed to my room. I couldn’t stand to be in the same house as him any longer, so I changed and pulled on my jacket, took some cash and slammed the front door to the apartment behind me.
The first few of my steps were hard, stomping, and almost prideful, with my chin held high. In a few more stomps, though, I was sagging, my feet slowed, and chewed on the inside of my lip, knowing I had no where to go. Slowly I wandered farther and farther down the street. I don’t cry, whether I’m physically hurt or emotionally, and I wasn’t about to now. Instead I tried to distract myself, clear my mind. I finally realized where I was at when I slammed into someone.
“Whoa, watch it-!” He says and looks down at me, but stopped. I almost gasped at him when I saw who it was. Griffin was staring down at me, brown eyes piercing me. He raises his eyebrows, “Roxy, what are you doing here?”
I didn’t look at him directly; afraid of what would happen if I did. So I say staring at the brick wall next to us, “I… just needed to get out. What about you, this is my street, what are you doing here?” I was kind of angry at him for being here, especially so soon after our breakup.
“I was coming to talk to you,” He said, “About us.”
I laugh sarcastically, “Us? Hm, well, let’s think about this a moment. You tried to molest me a little more than twenty-four hours ago, and you want me to listen to you?”
“Roxy, look, it seemed bad, okay. I’m sorry, I thought you were ready, more mature, I guess.”
“Mature?” I shout, “Maturity? You accuse me of being immature? Griffin, you were the one acting like an idiot back there-!”
“Hey,” he said, taking hold of my arm, and leading me into an alley next to us, so we were deep in its shadows, away from the public eye. Again he said, “Hey,” and looked me in the eyes. They were entrancing, deep. His voice was alluring, and he had me pinned between him and the old, brick wall, making my head go numb. This is what I remembered. Feeling good whenever I was around him. Always being near him, touching him.
“Roxy,” Griffin said, my mind whirling, “Look, I said I was sorry, and I mean it. And we both know we like to be with each other, touching, like this,” He indicated our predicament. I realized what he was doing, and I looked away from him. I could not fall into this… this trap. He leaned his face towards mine, and said into my ear, “Rox…” his whispered breath tickling my ear and the skin around it, “Please, come back. I’ll make things right. I promise.” And suddenly his lips brushed my cheek, and he was gone. He left me, leaning against the wall, rattled. My flustered mind was coming back into perspective, and I thought about what he had said. I thought about what he said, and knew that he had been lying. He didn’t say he wouldn’t try it again. He didn’t say he was going to stop at he persisting, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to remain strong forever.
Close to tears, I look up trying to breathe normally, hoping I wouldn’t burst out sobbing. When I looked up, there was a guy about 18 standing directly from me across the street. His face was unrecognizable, because a shadow covered him. Freaking out, I regain my dignity and walk out of the alley, and start down the street to get into a more dense crowd, hoping to disappear from this guy’s view. Once lost in the sea of people, I relaxed a bit more, though I still felt like crap. I checked my watch to find it was about eight thirty, and my shift didn’t start till ten. This just sucked all the more, because I had no where to go and I wasn’t desperate or close enough to head to Kelly’s. Inhaling deeply I headed and walked into the nearest store, hoping to distract myself and blow some time.
♪~♪
An hour or so later, I entered the coffee shop, inhaling its aroma, taking in its warmth. Though I don’t drink coffee very often, its smell was comforting, I guess. That’s why I didn’t mind working at such a slow pace. Or such a low salary (though I wouldn’t complain to a raise either). I walk up to the counter where Missy was handing her last latte of the day to a customer. A “goodbye,” and a phony smile, She caught sight of me and waved, “Hey Rox!” I really hate that nickname.
“Hey Miss,” I reply, “Ready to get outta here?”
“Boy am I ready! One can only take in so much coffee bean inhalants before getting a high!” She untied her apron in an instant, and continued to jabber on, “Joan and I are going out again tonight, somewhere… fancy he said! I am so excited!”
“That’s cool,” I say as enthusiastically as I could. Really, I didn’t want to hear about how well someone’s love-life was going, while mine was flushing down the toilet. I ask, “Er, so how long has it been, two years you’ve been together?”
“Yeah,” She said staring too far off for me to see, “Two whole years. Now I’m waiting. For the big question. Rox, do you think he’ll do it tonight? O-my-gosh! Do you think so?” She squeals and trades me places, pulling on her jacket.
“Gee, that would be something, really cool,” I say through clenched teeth and a fixed jaw. I tie on my apron and sit on the stool, not wanting to talk about relationships. Especially about how well someone’s is going. Letting out a ragged sigh, I was hoping she’d get the message to leave. Nope.
“Joan is the most romantic person on this earth! I mean, this restaurant sounds so perfect! I can’t believe it-!” She was blabbering on and on. I really wasn’t listening anymore. So once she paused in her speech, I say, “Hey, uh, Missy, don’t you and Joan have lunch right now?”
“Huh? Oh, wow! I can’t believe I almost forgot! Thanks!” She began to hurriedly dig in her purse and pulled out her cell, and ran out the front door, allowing me to mourn in some-what silence. Actually more like she left me to listen to random peoples conversations sadly. My brain slowly turning and thinking hateful thoughts of this world, when a tinkling bell brought me back to reality. A customer entered into the Café and ordered. And so began my sad and ordinary day.
♪~♪
Well, so I thought. It was about a half hour before my shift ended, and I was cleaning up a spilling accident that occurred when I was still in my emo I-am-going-to-be-alone-my-whole-life-with-the-exception-of-a-few-hundreds-of-cats phase. So I was mumbling to myself about… well, I don’t know if it’s appropriate, so let’s just say I was still angry. Another person was entering the Café and I was about to scream, annoyed with people. I look up, and was instantly silenced from any words or thought.
The guy who just came in… there was no way around it, he was gorgeous. My head was whirling with dramatic thoughts, as though I were on a soap opera or in Twilight. He was like those guys at school, yet, he seemed different. Something about his eyes made me stop and think. I know this sounds totally absurd, but he was different... almost, inhuman.
Tousled to the side, his hair was brown, but dark as if someone had tinted it with a piece of charcoal. I tried to turn aside, trying to act like I didn't notice him, but it was impossible. I was practically in a trance, unable to look away. His eyes were a stormy blue, intimidating, and very intriguing. I mean…
What was I thinking? I never thought like this. Never. And now suddenly I’m drooling over some guy that was glaring at me? That’s when I realized what the guy was wearing: His color of his jacket was popped, shading his jaw. His jaw was perfectly chiseled; it came to a perfect shape, not too narrow or pointy-.
This really had to stop. I looked down and began furiously scrubbing at a stain that was forever imprinted into the surface of the counter. I sensed him move from the front door to sit somewhere, without ordering anything. I wasn’t sure if that was allowed, but I wasn’t about to tell this shifty figure to get out of here. I ceased my tireless scrubbing and looked out of the corner of my eye to see him sitting at a table furthest from the door and windows. This guy was really shifty. That’s when realization finally hit me. It was the weirdo from across the street. I almost turned to stare at him again, but instead I bit my lip.
Should I call the cops? Do I call him out? Maybe I should talk to him? My mind was spinning around, questions popping up all at once about what I should do. But then I started thinking logically. I can’t send someone to jail for walking on the street and happened to see me. Although… No one normal would have sat there and watched me either.
Releasing the breath I realized I’d been holding in, I look over to where he sat. His face was unreadable, but turned, allowing me to observe him more closely. He was looking out the window, stony gaze burning the glass. I noticed his expression may not have been that he was mad about something, maybe more… contemplative, maybe even fear. He ran his hand swiftly through his hair. That’s how I noticed the front of his hair was up in what could only be considered a “cone.” It made me want to giggle, his hair-do reminding me of a ten-year-old.
His eyes flashed suddenly, catching me by surprise. He was looking at me. Whoops, that wasn’t suppose to happen, this guy’s reflexes were fast. I turn my head quickly, possibly giving me whip-lash, my red hair flying into my face. My hair curtained my face, hiding him from my view.
Then, the unexpected happened. I wasn’t sure I had even heard it. A noise. No, no a voice. Not speaking, but… laughing. Yes, it was true; I glanced over at his direction. This punk was laughing at me, and I couldn’t believe it. His lips were pulled over white teeth, and his shoulders slightly bounced with the beat of his chuckle. His eyes were crinkled up in a smile, and, man, did he look good. That’s when I finally allowed myself to smile at my own childish acts, even if my eye brows were drawn in confusion.
Suddenly, all too soon, the bells to the door jingled, and Kelly and Joan entered together, talking about whatever it was that those two talked about. I was almost tempted to tell Joan that I would work an extra hour, until I realized how stupid that would have been. I instantly got up and threw my apron on the rack, snatching my jacket. Both Kelly and Joan walked up to the counter. Hoping they wouldn’t guess what my hurried state was about, I say, “Thanks for comin’ in Joan.”
“No prob,” He replied, seeming a bit shocked at my quick movements. He swapped places with me, and Kelly began to walk along side me, but she stopped in her tracks. I didn’t follow where her gaze had stopped. I knew exactly what… who she was looking at. I closed my eyes hoping she wouldn’t say anything, but then again, my willing stuff not to happen usually backfires on me. Like now, for instance.
“Oh. My. Go-!” Kelly gaped like a dead fish. I yanked on her arm, and dived out of the store. No way would I let Kelly sit there and stare at this beautiful stranger like he was something to eat. It was demeaning, rude… and he was my mystery guy.
When we had exited and the glass door closed behind us, Kelly exclaimed, “OH-MY-GOSH! Who was that-that… heavenly figure from above? He was so…so… Roxy, that guy was hot.”
I was hot with irritation. I knew Kelly was going to be like this; Shallow and immature. Not looking at her, I bluntly stated, “I don’t know who he is.”
I felt her gaze on me, and she choked out, “What? A guy like that walks into the Coffee House, and you don’t even ask for his name?”
I shrug, annoyed at her implication that I was stupid. Something had Kelly on edge, because usually she would have said something to the effect of, “You didn’t ask for his name?” and giggle at me. She usually wouldn’t have tried and make me feel stupid.
“What’s the matter if I didn’t ask the guys name? I don’t stalk people, and he didn’t order anything,” I spat, finally letting myself look at her, “Why is that such a bad thing?”
Kelly was shaking her head, blonde curls bouncing, “I don’t know. Something’s been up with you Roxy, you haven’t been yourself. Ever since the Griffin thing…” she didn’t finish her sentence. My suspicions were heightened, at her unfinished statement, “Ever since the Griffin thing?” I prodded, irritated, but still curious.
“Ever since the Griffin thing,” She began again, slowly, “you’ve been acting different. I mean, usually, if a guy like that came in, you’d be…”
Now I was exasperated, “Ha!” I say sarcastically, “Well, on the account it only happened three days ago, and the fact he was going to molest me… hm, yeah I’d say I have a pretty good excuse to act a little weird, but you know, that’s me. The Weirdo. I didn’t know you would defend him about being a creeper. How come you’re suddenly mad at me?”
Kelly laughed without humor, “Wow, you know what? I have to go now. I’m missing my “How to deal with psychopathic friends” lesson.” She looked me in the eyes and said, “Maybe I’ll learn why my friend has turned into some stranger.”
I watched her stalk off, not knowing what to say. She slowly turned into another person in the giant crowd. After Kelly left, I was fuming, wanting to chew her out, but knew it was useless. This wasn’t the Kelly I knew, only her shell of the past (Wow, I’m deep).
That’s also when I realized I had no where to go. It was almost habit to go to Kelly’s until my dad was asleep. Now I knew I was trapped, and after the incident this morning, I was a dead man. Inhaling deeply, I began to walk in the direction of my apartment. Being 17 sucks.

♪~♪